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Bluff The Listener

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Faith Salie, Jeff Garlin and Mo Rocca. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Right now it's time for the WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAITWAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

EMILY KLINEMAN: Hi, this is Emily Klineman calling from Cambridge, Mass.

SAGAL: Well, that's very nice. What do you do there?

KLINEMAN: I am a lawyer.

SAGAL: You are a lawyer. Well, it's been nice talking to you. Farewell.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, I - what do you love best about Cambridge?

KLINEMAN: It's a really nice bubble to live in. I really enjoy quite everything about it.

SAGAL: Yeah, it is true. If you're going to live in a bubble, it's nice to live in that one. Well, welcome to the show, Emily. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Emily's topic?

KURTIS: Now that's a crazy world leader.

SAGAL: Sure, the crazy world leaders pushing us to the brink of global thermonuclear war get all the attention. But what about the other ones, the fun crazy ones? This week we read a story about a head of state upsetting their people with some erratic but not apocalypse-bringing behavior. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who is telling the truth, you will win our prize, Carl Kasell's voice on your voicemail. Emily, are you ready to play?

KLINEMAN: Sure.

SAGAL: All right, first let's hear from Mo Rocca.

MO ROCCA: British Prime Minister Theresa May wears Crocs. That's right, she wears a shoe memorably scorned by Tim Gunn as a plastic hoof. And she wears them all the time - sober black Crocs on the floor of Parliament, a high-heeled Croc during a New Year's Eve celebration, knee-length Croc boots emblazoned with the union jack while riding with the queen. Her footwear has united the country. Unhappy Brits of all political stripes are calling for Crexit (ph). But...

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: But as she told the BBC in an emotional interview, Crocs are more than a bad fashion choice. As a child she suffered from acute pedal hyperhidrosis, excessively sweaty foot syndrome. Her father was a dairy farmer, and he fashioned a kind of pre-Croc for his daughter out of plastic milk jugs. She endured teasing until as a teenager she graduated to flip-flops. But an accident on the escalator at Harrods department store nearly left her with no feet at all. When Crocs came along in 2002, they changed her life. It's like walking on the beach in Liverpool. The ventilated toe box allows me to do the work for the British people. One person who's perfectly fine with May's Crocs? German Chancellor Angela Merkel. At next month's G7, who will even notice that she's wearing her usual sandals with socks?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Theresa May.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: An enthusiast of Croc brand plastic shoes. Your next story of someone violating international laws of good taste comes from Faith Salie.

FAITH SALIE: We live in dangerous times. Even the government of New Zealand is poised to crumble because of its prime minister's offensive posts. This week, PM Bill English shared Facebook photos of his homemade pizza. His incendiary move? To top this pizza, he sent an armada of canned spaghetti and then bombed it with pineapple. Now there are calls for impeachment for this crime against good taste. Some embarrassed New Zealanders are threatening to give up their citizenship. Those Kiwis who are not leaving the country plan to protest at the voting booth, like the man who tweeted, (imitating New Zealand accent) sorry, Bill, any man who puts spaghetti on a pizza is not fit to run my country. You cannot count on my vote come election time. Oh - sorry, guys (laughter).

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: And the bloke who wrote, (imitating New Zealand accent) I might - (laughter).

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Just think Dick Van Dyke in "Mary Poppins."

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Or the bloke who wrote that he might vote for Labour now because this is like taking a dump on Italy. Some suggest the prime minister is trying to distract from his government's challenges. To his minimal credit, Prime Minister English does take some responsibility for the disaster, confessing the pizza was a bit soggy in the middle. And now the Italian embassy in capital city Wellington has proclaimed a vendetta over the sacrilege. They recently tweeted a photo of New Zealand's beloved pavlova meringue smothered in raw salami.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right, the prime minister of New Zealand causing a crisis by putting spaghetti of all things on his pizza.

JEFF GARLIN: I have to say something.

SAGAL: Go ahead.

ROCCA: Yeah.

GARLIN: I heard that and I thought, what a delightful treat.

SALIE: Ew.

(LAUGHTER)

GARLIN: I think my version would have SpaghettiOs. I just think they'd be easier to maneuver around on pizza...

SAGAL: Yeah, and spread, I guess.

GARLIN: I don't know if I need the pineapple because I like pineapple pizza. I have too much respect for it. But I...

SALIE: What?

GARLIN: I love the idea of SpaghettiOs on top of a pizza. Delightful. I'm going to call Lou Malnati's right now.

SAGAL: Yeah, all right.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: From Faith you heard a story then of how the prime minister of New Zealand caused an international incident by putting spaghetti on his pizza. Your last story of a wacko on the world stage comes from Jeff Garlin.

GARLIN: OK, dig this. If you were searching eBay for an antique teakettle last week, you were probably surprised to find one for sale from Lucian Blaga (ph), the governor of Transylvania in Romania. If you looked closely at the photos of the antique teakettle, you were probably even more surprised to see a reflection of Governor Blaga himself taking the photo butt naked.

(LAUGHTER)

GARLIN: Romanians were shocked. Every headline was about Governor Blaga, who until this had been best known for creating the slogan, Transylvania - yes, it is a real place.

(LAUGHTER)

GARLIN: The teakettle, which newspapers began referring to as the T and A kettle, became the subject of a bidding war. It eventually sold for more than 800,000 Romanian leu to Blaga's political opponent. Blaga finally released a statement saying that like many Transylvanians, he enjoyed complete nudity in the privacy of his own home to release the stress of the day. That got him sympathy. Who doesn't love to be naked or in your underwear, but especially naked? But even better, when a doctor magnified the image - this is amazing - he did a close examination and he had diagnosed testicular cancer, OK? The surgery came just in time, and now the lucky Blaga, he's a favorite to win re-election with the slogan, you know he has nothing to hide.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right.

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: Wow.

SAGAL: Here then are your three world leaders. One of these people got into a bit of trouble. Was it from Mo Rocca, Theresa May, who was criticized for her inordinate love of Croc footwear? From Faith Salie, the prime minister of New Zealand who got in trouble for posting pictures of spaghetti on his footwear? Or was it the governor of Transylvania who tried to sell a teapot which he took a picture of while naked for everyone to see? Which of those is the story of a political figure who got into some trouble?

KLINEMAN: Well, I want it to be Jeff, but I'm going to go with Faith. I think it's the political leader with the pineapple spaghetti pizza.

SAGAL: Pineapples - I mean, that - it is disgusting, but you think it's plausible.

KLINEMAN: I think it is disgusting and possible.

SAGAL: All right, well, we spoke to someone familiar with the real story.

MARISA BIDOIS: Our prime minister made pizza with spaghetti on it. I think there was some pineapple on there as well.

SAGAL: That was Marisa Bidois - she's the executive director of the Restaurant Association of New Zealand - telling us...

SALIE: Wait, I could've spoken like that?

SAGAL: ...About her prime minister's pizza. Exactly.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: I was about to say in the end, Faith, your new - your New Zealand accent was better than real New Zealander's, so feel proud. As well as you should, Emily, because you got it right. Congratulations. You earned a point for Faith.

SALIE: (Laughter) Thanks.

SAGAL: And you've won our prize. Carl will record the greeting saying whatever you like in whatever accent you prefer. Thank you so much for playing with us today, Emily. Bye-bye now.

KLINEMAN: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF DAN HICKS AND HIS HOT LICKS' "SURE BEATS ME") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.