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Who's Bill This Time

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. Got an infection? Try some penibillin (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Bill Kurtis. And here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We have got a great show for you today mainly because later on we're going to be talking to Cyndi Lauper, who more than any other person defined the 1980s - the music, the style, the videos, even pro wrestling - all of it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So in her honor, I have gone all '80s, too. I am wearing right now a pastel suit with the sleeves rolled up.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And I am also absolutely ripped on cocaine.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We know you just want to have fun, so give us a call. Win our prize. The number is 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now, let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

JOSH SMITH: Hi, everyone. My name is Josh Smith, and I'm from Downers Grove, Ill.

SAGAL: Oh, Downers Grove is not far from here.

SMITH: Yeah, just south.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: I know. Do you want to drive over? We'll wait.

SMITH: No, the traffic's too bad.

SAGAL: I agree. Well, welcome to our show, Josh. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's a feature reporter for the Style section of The Washington Post. It's Roxanne Roberts.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Hi, Josh.

SMITH: Hello, hello. Nice to meet you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Next, the man whose reputation predates him - it's Tom Bodett.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SMITH: Oh, my God. Hi.

TOM BODETT: Hello, Josh.

SAGAL: And finally, returning to our panel, it's a host of The Moth and author of the memoir "The Clancys Of Queens." It's Tara Clancy.

TARA CLANCY: Hey, how are you, honey?

SMITH: Good. How are you doing?

CLANCY: I'm good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So, Josh, welcome to the show. I bet you anticipated this, but you're going to play Who's Bill This time, Bill Kurtis is going to start us off with three quotations about the week's news. Your job - successfully identify or explain two of them. You ready to play?

SMITH: I'm ready.

SAGAL: All right. Here is your first quote.

KURTIS: If Meghan can make him happy, I hope he'll be satisfied not being king.

SAGAL: That was actor Samuel L. Jackson, as you can probably tell from Bill's perfect imitation...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Who for some reason was talking about whose wedding that's taking place on Saturday?

SMITH: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.

SAGAL: Yes, exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: You got both bride and groom. This weekend...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are being wed at Windsor Castle in front of 3,200 distinguished guests before an opulent private reception at the Frogmore House. How mad are the Markles right now that the bride's family has to pay for everything?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Preparations for this wedding, as I'm sure you all know, have been intense. In many ways, it's just like planning a non-royal wedding - the invitations must be made, the silverware selected. But some things are different. For instance, at Ms. Markle's bachelorette party, the penis lollipops were made by her majesty's royal confectioner.

(LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: But Harry never wanted to be king. Or at least he said that. I don't think he really wants it. So Samuel's wrong.

BODETT: Well, he's number six. He's not going to be king. I mean...

ROBERTS: No, I mean...

(LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: ...You know, there could be a giant sinkhole or something.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Well, I mean, look at his dad. I mean, Charles has been number one for, like, the last 85 years or something, right?

ROBERTS: It's been a while.

BODETT: I mean, seriously if you're number six, it ain't happening.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And this is interesting. Meghan Markle apparently - because she's marrying into the royal family - she had to undergo security training which seriously entailed her being fake kidnapped and subjected to live gunfire. They don't really need to do that. It's just how the royal family messes with people.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh, yes, Meghan. We all have to do this. Here, let me blindfold you.

ROBERTS: No, she said, that's OK. I did that in Season 2 of "Deal Or No Deal."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yes, I actually did not know this until this week - that I knew that Meghan Markle had been an actress, of course. But I did not know that, like, part of her career was being one of the briefcase girls on "Deal Or No Deal." And, I mean, what - we are living inside a Hallmark film.

(LAUGHTER)

CLANCY: You know what I didn't know?

SAGAL: What?

CLANCY: I didn't know - I think it's Tostitos - but she had done an ad. Is it Tostitos? Does anybody else...

SAGAL: I don't follow the royals that closely.

CLANCY: OK. Well, listen.

(LAUGHTER)

CLANCY: Apparently she's done - she did an ad, you know, for Tostitos. And, you know, to celebrate her they've, like, come out with this royal, like, Tostitos cake where they do, like, seven-layer dip with all the Tostitos. And they're sort of presenting this as, like, their royal wedding present, you know?

SAGAL: What you're telling me is, like...

CLANCY: Very high-brow.

SAGAL: ...There's going to be a royal footman...

CLANCY: Yeah.

SAGAL: ...You know, in the livery walking up with, like, a seven-layer dip? Is that what you're saying?

CLANCY: Exactly. Yep.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I like it.

CLANCY: Yeah.

BODETT: So how much do you think the British are going to regret bringing an American into...

CLANCY: Yeah, they got the freaking Tostitos cake.

BODETT: I mean, I did get Tostitos.

CLANCY: It's over. Yeah.

BODETT: Once they see that Tostitos cake coming through the door, they're going to go, oh, my God. Here we - this is just the beginning, isn't it?

SAGAL: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

CLANCY: Yeah, yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

CLANCY: I feel - you know, my son is named Harry. Did you know that?

SAGAL: Oh. Yeah, I did not know that.

CLANCY: OK. So my firstborn son, I named him Ray - you know, Ray Clancy, right? He will...

SAGAL: Yeah.

CLANCY: ...Punch you in the nuts.

SAGAL: That's exactly what I would expect...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...As someone that - there's something about the name.

CLANCY: So the second guy - he had a really difficult birth. He had a really long and difficult birth. And I feel like we named him in vengeance. We named him Harry Clancy. It's like he will sell you a used Honda.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I just - you know, it's always interesting to meet people who have such specific dreams for their children.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Josh...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Josh, your next quote is from Time magazine explaining the useful consequence of a ruling made by the Supreme Court this week.

KURTIS: Watching golf won't be a drag.

SAGAL: What did the Supreme Court rule was legal this week?

SMITH: Hint?

SAGAL: Hint - well, imagine watching golf and seeing somebody lining up a put and shouting, come on. Baby needs a new pair of shoes.

SMITH: Oh, oh, oh. Sports gambling. Gambling on - yeah, betting on sports.

SAGAL: Yes, sports gambling. Betting on sports.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks to Justice Samuel Alito, who wrote the opinion and also put down 50 large on the Warriors to win their NBA championship...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Sports betting will now be legal across most of the United States. The court ruled that Congress can pass a law outlawing betting on sports. But they can't pass a law saying that states can't legalize it. If that's confusing, don't worry about it. Just get your money down on the Red Sox before they adjust the odds.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This is, of course, going to open the floodgates. We'll be betting on football, basketball, hockey, lacrosse, field hockey - basically anything but soccer because nothing will ever make us interested in soccer.

(LAUGHTER)

CLANCY: What does this do to bookies?

SAGAL: Well, that's actually - bookies are worried because, of course, bookies - you know, they handle illegal bets - will be put out of business.

BODETT: So you're still going to need to have, like, a gambling license and all that to...

SAGAL: Yeah, exactly. But it'll be legal.

BODETT: All right. So I can't just take bets at my son's hockey games. Damn.

(LAUGHTER)

CLANCY: Well, you could.

SAGAL: I just imagine...

BODETT: Because I got a ringer on the team.

SAGAL: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Just imagine you're going after your son and saying, son, tonight is not your night.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here, Josh, is your last quote. It's from new age musician Yanni. (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: I may be biased. But all I hear is Yanny.

SAGAL: He was, of course, weighing in on what great debate that tore our nation asunder this week?

SMITH: It was, like, Yanny or Bruno? No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'll give it to you. It was Yanny or Laurel.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SMITH: Laurel.

SAGAL: Laurel or Yanny. You remember, years ago, the Internet was consumed by the great gold dress versus blue dress debate. But that was back in a more innocent time when we had no real problems.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now that the world is on fire, we've moved on to more important things...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Whether a computerized voice is saying Laurel or Yanny, especially when it's obviously saying Laurel. What is wrong with you?

(LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: Oh, yes. Oh, God.

SAGAL: Did you hear? Did you must...

ROBERTS: No.

SAGAL: You didn't get caught up in this?

ROBERTS: Yeah, of course.

CLANCY: Of course.

BODETT: I listened to it, yeah.

SAGAL: Everybody listened to it.

CLANCY: What'd you get?

BODETT: Laurel.

ROBERTS: Laurel. Of course, it was Laurel.

CLANCY: It's Yanny. Oh, my goodness.

(LAUGHTER)

CLANCY: I'm surrounded - people, America, it's Yanny.

ROBERTS: It's Laurel. It wasn't even close.

CLANCY: Oh, man.

BODETT: It was because - wait, if you're, you know, it's a high pitch, low-pitch thing.

ROBERTS: Yes, yes.

BODETT: And I'm 63 years old. And I've been using power tools all my life. And I have no high-end hearing. And I was happy to hear Laurel.

CLANCY: OK.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So it's actually interesting. You can play with the audio to hear the differences. So we've - if you pull out all the high frequencies, if you just remove them, it sounds like this...

COMPUTER-GENERATED VOICE: Laurel.

SAGAL: Laurel. Pretty clear, right? But if you isolate the high end, it sounds like this...

COMPUTER-GENERATED VOICE: Yanny.

SAGAL: See? And if you remove everything but the base notes, you get this...

KURTIS: Bill Kurtis.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Josh do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Josh, you got 3 and 0. And that's perfect in our books.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations.

SMITH: All right.

SAGAL: And mazel tov, Josh. Thank you so much for playing.

SMITH: Good luck, guys.

SAGAL: Bye-bye. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.